Stuff and Things.

As I sit here eating raspberry frogs from a ‘bulk buy’ packet, I can’t help but think back to the time I spent studying nutrition at university.

One memory that has stuck with me from this experience (obviously it’s not the nutrition part…) is a picture from the back of one of my textbooks. The picture was of a family surrounded by all the food they would consume in a year. The image showed a smiling couple from the 80s, along with large hair, 2.3 kids, 50 dead chickens, 100 cans of peas, and enough sugar to keep me very, very happy.

Red frogs aside, I know that my own diet is reasonable. However if all the food I ate in a year was presented in front of me in a ‘Hoarders’ style TV show, I know I would probably do some self-reflecting. At least I might buy a smaller packet of raspberry frogs. (For those who don’t know what Hoarders is: Congratulations. You are intellectually superior.)

A scary thought, is that the show (the imaginary one from the last paragraph) wouldn’t even truly reflect all that I have consumed in the year. Just the FOOD that I’ve consumed. Just think of all of the other ‘stuff’ in my life that I don’t eat. Stuff that I accumulate just to put around me. Or on me. For example, it is a ridiculous, but very real fact, that I own more than 50 dresses. Yes I do, and I’m not proud of it. I’ve tried many tactics to make this not the case. I throw out bags of them each year… I lend them to people hoping they’ll forget and keep them. One cosolation is that many of them come from op-shops, which assists to diminish my Environmental Dress Guilt (EDG). But still… so many dresses.

Before you judge, let me just say that this accumulation of ‘stuff’ isn’t a reflection of my greed and need for more more MORE!! What I like to think, is that the ‘stuff’ is a result of the ever-present sentimentality that rules my life.

Sentimentality is a funny disease. To understand, you need to know that people severely affected by ‘sentimentality’, are able (and likely) to develop an emotional attachment to anything. I mean ANYTHING. I could collect a blue bucket from the side of the road today, and tomorrow it will have become “that special blue bucket I got it that time from the side of the road that time, remember?” I’ll associate some romantic story with the experience (such as stopping the car to get it), and next thing you know I have this blue bucket forever.

Christmas is an especially tricky time for those with sentimentality, because it’s a time when people give you even more ‘stuff’. An anonymous colleague once told me a story about a teapot that she’d received as a gift, which she decided to ‘re-gift’ to another friend. However when the second friend opened the gift, they found a Christmas card inside the teapot from the original gifter to my colleague.

What struck me about this story is how far removed this is from something I’d be capable of. Whether I liked the teapot or not, it would stay with me for the rest of my foreseeable life. Not because I like tea (though I do!). Not for any reason other than that I am affected of a disorder that touches many, but is largely a space-wasting mystery.

At least I don’t have to carry all my dead chickens around at once.

An example of my nutritional history (eating sundae at Disneyland).

Going crazy, Broadway style.

I don’t have a TV.

Not by choice, but by having moved into a house without one. I must have been so distracted by the flashy sunset from my new balcony, that I didn’t notice the lack of idiot box in the corner.

Idiot box was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? I like TV. I like its relaxy charms. I like its witty comedies. I even like its Ice Road Truckers. So living without a TV has been interesting.

My accidentally-superior lifestyle now includes things like: listening to more radio, reading more books and… watching more DVDs on my laptop. Whatever, I still don’t have a TV. (You could say that TV in my life has simply become more expensive, and now costs me $4.40 for three episodes at the Video Dogs in Fitzroy.) (But man, what a great name, right? Video Dogs).

When I was a teenager I used to baby-sit for a few of the families around my neighborhood (I actually wanted to be in ‘The Babysitters Club’ but there were no positions vacant. I wanted to be Dawn). The best bit about babysitting was that many of the families had Pay TV, and so when the kids went to bed, I got to watch all kinds of awesome new films that I couldn’t watch on normal TV. Like Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom.

After spending TV time with these other families, I began to realize a common trend. Many of the kids weren’t allowed to watch The Simpsons. And when I say horrified. I mean horrified.

HORRIFIED.

I think it’s fair to say (even though mum-anon is going to have a conniption when she reads this) that I leant a lot of what I know from The Simpsons. I’m not kidding. What is in my brain is a combination of learnings from home, school, friends, and weeknightly Kelly-Simpson gatherings.

Things that I can genuinely recall learning from watching the show:

1.    I learnt right from wrong (from watching Bart)

2.    I learnt about different family units

3.    I learnt about different religions

4.     When I got a little older, I was able to match Simpsons storylines with historical events that I’d learnt about at school.

5.    I was instilled with the ability to quickly befriend other Simpsons-fed kids, with little more than a simple quote (…Kiss my assfault, eh?) and alienate many, many more.

I guess my point is that watching The Simpsons didn’t make me want to all of a sudden make my own slingshot and ‘go crazy Broadway style’. (I’m sure I just alienated of you, but hang on, we’re almost at the end.) My parents trusted me to make those distinctions for myself, and I did.

I don’t think a little TV is bad. I think a little good TV is good. So long as it doesn’t cost $4.40 for three episodes.

What a rip.

Flashy view from my balcony that started all of this.

Also, Merry Christmas!

Hipsto-therapy

I don’t hate hipsters. I like their scarves. So why have I been so annoyed?

It occurs to me as I write, that this entry could turn into a piece of judgmental junk that I’m not proud of. So right of the bat, I’ll acknowledge two things:

1)    ‘Hipster’ is a culture I know very little about. I will do my best to hold back opinions and merely discuss observations. (One or two judgments, max.)

2)    My intention is use this blog as a form of hipsto-therapy, in order to better understand and resolve unwanted negative feelings towards my new neighbours. It’s possible that a public forum is not the place.

To get some initial insight into the subject, I decided I’d go straight to the source. I approached an anonymous friend, whom I believed to be a hipster. He quickly assured me he was not one (though apparently speaks the language fluently and gets invited to their bi-annual meetings. Probably only goes for the food).

His definition, quickly conveyed through text message, was loosely as follows:

1) Someone with no fixed form of employment

2) Someone with no ability to construct cohesive and pithy sentences

3) Someone with no actual need to wear glasses

I don’t think I’ll comment much on the first point. I was about to write something like ‘What are all these people doing in cafes in the middle of the day?’ until I looked around and found myself in a café in the middle of the day. With no fixed form of employment.

I don’t think I’ll comment too much on the last point either. I like the glasses. I wish I had the glasses. I wear beanies when I’m not chilly, and I guess non-prescription glasses is the next logical step…… But gosh aren’t there a lot of people in Fitzroy who have taken that step? (Judgment 1 of 2)

The second point is, however, an interesting one. Possibly it even drills down to the core of my pesky resentment. Transcribed below is a conversation I overheard in a café (in the middle of the day) last week, between a young man and woman of hipster-y nature (i.e. She had a feather in her hair and he was wearing a cardigan). (Judgment 2 of 2)

Her: I think I’d like to get into photography.

Him: Hmmm. I don’t like photography. I don’t think you can ever really capture a moment.

Her: You’re right. But sometimes you can capture a moment. You know?

Him: Yeah. Sometimes you can capture a moment.

Here is another conversation I overheard in a bar in Fitzroy, between a group of young glasses-ed hipstograms.

Him 1: There’s no such thing as fair trade.

Him 2: Yeah.

Him 3: Yeah.

For a while, it really bugged me that I had chosen to live in a suburb thats inhabitants had such a warped fashion:depth ratio.  But now I think I’ve figured it out.  And to be honest, I’m disappointed in myself that I didn’t figure it out sooner.

Unlike Harry and Voldemort, fashion and depth don’t rely on each other to flourish. They exist separately (but in Fitzroy quite often they exist together purely because of numbers). Having glasses and something to say doesn’t make people annoying. Talking about a moment doesn’t even make people annoying.

I think… Hipsters are hipsters. Annoying people are annoying people. Annoying hipsters are annoying. But hipsters aren’t annoying.

Plus I like their scarves.

Here is recent picture of me, in which I was accused of being ‘So Fitzroy’.  Is being a hipster about wearing dresses, reading the paper and drinking coffee? If so count me in.

Everyone I love is here, all at once.

This year I’ve decided to get into the Christmas spirit. It’s not like I don’t normally, but I guess that this year I’m feeling extra spirity. I’m not sure what brought this on - maybe I’ve walked past the Myer Christmas window display too many times. But you know what? I’m tired of pretending to be cooler than Christmas.

I think it’s fair to say that most little kiddies in the Western world love a bit of Christmas. When I was little, one of my Dad’s friends (who is American too) would always have a ‘tree-trimming’ party at his house. On arrival, everyone was required to put at least one decoration on their giant tree - and then everyone would catch up with old friends, drink egg-nog, sing Christmas carols and eat ginger bread. Now call me daft, but I just can’t see what’s not to like about that. Christmas decorations are like evidence that someone has prioritised fun, tradition, beauty and festivity over practicality. Plus, this family had a trampoline so their parties were pretty much the highlight of my calendar year.

My Anonymous mum really comes into her own at Christmas. I think it’s a combination of the joy of having all her family in the same room, and the stress of having all her family in the same room. My sisters and I revert back to being excited kiddies, while someone tries to remember all the Christmas traditions that we have accumulated over the years (more and more this someone is me). Best of all, mum makes special Christmas bread that we call ‘Special Christmas Bread’ that has icing on it (someone tell be what’s not to like about icing for breakfast?). The highlight of the morning is seeing whether the dough has risen overnight, even though no-one really cares (except mum), because it has icing on it anyway. Then we all pile into the car to go to my auntie’s house, arguing that the person with the smallest hips should go in the middle seat. And then measuring.

I definitely acknowledge that this is the wrong year for me to decide to get gifty, given that I have got no job. But as grown-ups always say (and I have boringly noticed myself saying), it’s the thought that counts. And it really really is. As a kid, mum-anon would take my sisters and I to the $2 Shop, where we’d spend ages trying to find that perfect special thing for each member of our family. It was great, and my dad still has the $2 mug I gave him when I was five. To me, the tradition of giving gifts is like permission to show someone that you care about them, and a reason to think about what is special and different about them.

Here are the only bad/sad things I could think of about Christmas:

1. Lots of people can’t afford presents.
2. Lots of people will be missing friends and family.
3. I’m sure I’m missing the point of Christmas on a religious level.
4. Useless stuff is bad for the environment.
5. Christmas episodes of The Simpsons.
6. Sequels to Christmas movies, though the originals are often winners i.e. ‘The Santa Claus’ with Tim Allen.

But I don’t think these things mean that people should get angry at Christmas. I guess it means thinking about how we celebrate the holiday, and why. The Finn Brothers have a song called ‘Won’t Give In’ and my favorite line is ‘Everyone I love is here, all at once”. I’m not sure what the Finn's meant when they wrote that line, but this is definitely what Christmas means to me. I’m lucky enough to have everyone I love, for one day, all in the same place to watch Christmas episodes of The Simpsons, fight over who gets the middle seat, exchange gifts, listen to Crowded House and eat icing for breakfast.

And there’s no way I’m cooler than that.

Here is me standing in front of Christmas things, as proof that I am pro-Christmas.

Why Does ‘The Internet’ Get Capital Letters?

When I first discovered the Internet in Year 8 (yes, it was me), I thought it was pretty cool. Very cool. Which obviously it is and I was right. I was so amazed by the things I could now do and find out that I even took time out of my busy lunchtime Spin Doctor schedule to marvel. That is, when Double Helix Club wasn’t in session.

Through the miracle of email (not pronounced ‘eh-mail’, I learnt later), I gained exotic online Pen Pals with names like ‘FrogGirl’ from exotic places like ‘Adelaide’. “How’s the weather in Adelaide?” “It’s cold, you?” “Same.” It was a golden age, when chat-rooms were new and socially acceptable, and Facebook was just a twinkle in the eye of that guy from The Social Network.

Back in those days, I looked forward to spending time in the computer room after school, while I waited for Dad (who was a teacher at my school) to finish up. I could look up anything I wanted during that time, which in those days was mostly pictures of Hanson, and chords for songs by Killing Heidi. And play Spin Doctor. I was allowed to do anything I wanted, except click on any buttons that say ‘**!!!NuDe SpIcE GiRlS!!!**’. For a dare.

But as time went on, I noticed that The Internet (which Microsoft Word tells my gets a capital letter, like ‘God’) got less and less exciting. Mum eventually warned me against FrogGirl (because he could turn out to be a ToadMan), chat-rooms got shunned by Sacred Heart’s I.T. department (and later by society), and I got kicked out of the computer room for looking up naked girl bands. For a dare.

Recently when I quit my job, I found new reasons for avoiding The Internet and it’s netty charms, even coming up with the personal slogan ‘Ebay is Not a Hobby’ to remind me of one of it’s (or maybe ‘my’) downfalls.  So these days, my Internet adventures have dwindled to: checking my email, job-searching, Facebook, Twitter (still not sure about this one), and occasionally researching things like ‘Wikihow to be a musician’. And that’s about it.

As I get older, and the world gets smaller, my interest in the World Wide Web steadily declines. No frog-people, no spice-girls and no chat-rooms. Usually if I decide to surf the net (are the kids still saying this?), somehow I just end up paddling around in circles (similar to my actual surfing experiences) and then go play outside. At least mum will be happy that I’m getting some fresh air.

I think it's possible that whoever did this in awesome knitted bike rack in Carlton was in their school's Double Helix Club.

It's Time to Be Creative Now.

One of the reasons I left my Governmenty job and moved to Melbourne was so I could pursue more of the things I like, such as writing music and eating Nutella (750 grams for $5 at the Coles in Fitzroy!).

The problem, it seems, is that when I have the time to do something I want to do, it somehow always becomes much more difficult (I’m not talking about Nutella-eating, I seem to be have no problems at all with that.). It's as though my ability to be creative is reliant on my inability… as though they are the one entity... like Harry and Lord Voldemort. 

It all started when I discovered that the local Library in Fitzroy rents its meeting rooms at the low low price of $8.80 for three hours. This seemed to me a great price, and so yesterday decided to rent a room, all the while giving myself high-fives for being so resourceful, and thinking ‘I bet this is how Bob Dylan wrote so many amazing songs, and in exactly three hours I will have written Shelter From The Storm II.’  However when I told myself that it was time to ‘be creative now’, for some reason my mind went into some kind of pressure-fit, and I ended up writing Taylor Swift’s latest hit, but with different lyrics.

Seemed to me like a problem.

Did I mention that I’m really good at solving other people’s problems?  Usually, my strategy is to liken the dilemma to a similar situation, which by comparison seems less confusing. Then, all of a sudden the answer becomes clear and obvious, and I feel like some kind of genius who should have her own show.

Let me demonstrate. For this problem, I will use bees.

Think of a bee that likes to drink nectar from flowers (they do this right?) but is just way too busy with its other bee-commitments, such as making chocolate-freckles for a local chocolate factory (and besides, it could get the nectar cheaper from the Coles in Fitzroy anyway).

Then one day the chocolate factory closes down.

Having been frugal and financially sensible in the past, the bee luckily is not particularly worried, and is able to remain fed and emotionally stable (stay with me…) until it finds a new job.

So what this means is that the bee (who loves sucking nectar out of flowers, as mentioned in earlier rambles) now has loads of spare time to pursue it’s nectar-sucking, but somehow can’t seem to remember why/how/when it usually does these things and so spends most of it’s free time eating tapas at local restaurants.

So as you can see, I am way better at solving other people’s problems. Maybe I’ll just go with the Taylor Swift thing. A whole generation of teens agree it’s a great idea.

Please find below a picture (taken for a previous Nutella themed blog-post) of me and large jar of Nutella.

Why it’s OK to Blog about Chocolate Freckles.

Some current moving-to-Melbourne-stress has left me needing a little guidance with my blog this week. So I decided I’d turn to The Oxford English Dictionary, having remembered it being helpful when preparing for Year 8 English debates such as ‘Does the TV show ‘The Nanny’ objectify women?’.

Upon not finding an Oxford English Dictionary in my laptop bag, I instead turned to Dictionary.com.

Dictionary.com defines ‘Blog’ as:

‘A website containing the writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other websites.’ 

(NB. Cleverly, it can also be a verb.)

So, based on this, I happily concluded two things:

Conclusion 1. Yes, I am writing a blog. I am ‘blogging’, as it were.

Conclusion 2. I am basically allowed to write anything that I want, so there.

In light of the definition above, I will now provide you with an ‘observation’ I deemed blog-worthy…

I like coffee right? Right. So in my first week living in Fitzroy, I received cappuccino after capuccino in paper cups. Even though I was ‘dining in’, I still got them in paper cups. I remembered from past experience that this is commonplace at chain-establishments like Star ****s and G****Jean, but never at smaller hole-in-the-wall type holes-in-the-wall. I told a few Melbourne locals about this and even they couldn’t tell me what was going on, even though some of them wear black square-framed glasses. The answer, I realized eventually, is that, wait for it...

Melbourne does not do the ‘Mugoccino’!

Let me explain why this is so significant…

In Torquay, the Mugoccino is a perfectly acceptable form of coffee. This is presumably because surfers get up so early that they need lots of coffee in order to make it through a hard day of surfing and coffee. (Mugoccino (mine) from Torquay, pictured below).

No, I am not a surfer. My own reasons for enjoying a Mugoccino are much less cool/rational, and mostly to do with a self-diagnosed case of ‘Restless Legs’, which I diagnosed using the internet. Apparently, too much coffee can cause this annoying made-up-sounding condition, and so I decided to cut back from two cups per day, to one super-large mug, or ‘Mugoccino’.

To finish up, here is a picture of me with a giant freckle that I made at The Chocolate Factory in Corowa last weekend (that right, MADE!). Yes, that is genuine joy on my face.  No, it is not relevant to anything else in this post except I guess it’s technically an ‘experience’ (see Definition, above).

House-Dating.

Recently I decided to move from the No Smoke of Torquay to the Big Smoke of Melbourne. Friends directed me to a house-hunting website, which meant I could house-hunt while sitting on the couch and drinking coffee. Great. The site is basically the same as online-dating, except instead of dating you share intimate details about yourself, then meet up and decide whether you want to spend your immediate futures together.  

So basically it’s online-dating. Or more accurately, house-dating.

“I SAW YOUR PROFILE AND I THINK YOU LOOK NICE…”

Browse the website and register your interest with a person or persons you think you might like (because in house-dating it’s ok to date more that one person, so long as they all live together).  It’s important to remember that if you have two dogs, no job and a collection of stamps needing its own room, it’s unlikely everyone you approach will be interested. The beauty of online house-dating is that you are actually quite likely to find someone with two kennels, lots of money and a thing for old-school postage.

"YOU SEEM INTERESTING, TELL ME MORE..."

The approachee’s method of responding will give you some indication of your future compatibility. A phone call suggests maturity. A text message suggests someone more casual. A text message that reads ‘sori phone died on me yesterday.yas can com ova whenev’ suggests someone with whom you don’t want to share a bathroom.

“HOW ABOUT WE CATCH UP SOMETIME…?”

Remember that, like boys and snakes, potential housemates are generally more scared of you than you are of them. Use the initial catch-up to make important comparisons with their aforementioned advert. For example, you should verify ‘happy’ versus ‘crazy’, ‘eclectic taste’ versus ‘lots of stamps’, and ‘large-room’ versus ‘wide-lens’. (Note that housemates with wide lenses are ok, and are more common in suburbs like Fitzroy or Collingwood.)

“I HAD FUN THE OTHER NIGHT…”

Decide whether you’re really that into them. Vice versa, they’ll decide whether you’re the Brett to their Germaine. Remember that even though yesterday you were happily discussing what kind of milk you both prefer, there’s always a chance they’ll respond with a ‘it was a really tough decision, but we’ve decided to go with someone else’.

And you know what, that’s fine. Because at least you know that Stamp Guy is no longer on the market. 

Frocktober Dress Diary - Day 31 (Hooray!)

Where I got it: Finders Keepers Market, Docklands - This year

How much I paid for it: About $80
Frocky features: This dress is made from organic cotton and is all kind of cute (in my opinion). The dress also came in brown (the one I really wanted) but some chick with a nasty look (not really) got in first...
Something else about it: It's a size too big (I was that desperate for it) so I sewed a button onto the back to hold it together.

Frocktober is (and was!!) awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary - Day 30

Where I got it: Salvation Army, Torquay - a few years ago.
How much I paid for it: About $5
Frocky features: It's brown and has a yellow pattern of stars. Wraps around and artound until it can't wrap no more. At least I think that's what you're supposed to do...
Something else about it: This was one of my very first op-shopping successes. If I'd stopped there then I wouldn't have such issues with fitting it into my wardrobe now.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary - Day 29

Where I got it: Salvation Army, Torquay - a couple of years ago.
How much I paid for it: About $8

Frocky features: It's got a blue and green print, and originally it was way too big but I took it in. High fives all round (between me and me).
Something else about it: I've worn this dress to a couple of weddings now and they have both ended in marriage. Must be a lucky-charm dress.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 28

Where I got it: An op-shop in Darwin

How much I paid for it: About $5

Frocky features: It is a pretty light pink, and has giant pockets, which could fit my whole life’s needs into them (including band-aids for my feet which are looking very sickly poorly today after having walked me around Melbourne for the last couple of days.. I should really dish out for a tram ticket).

Something else about it: I was determined to buy something from a Darwin Op-sop, and luckily found this in the last one (of not vary many) that we went to. I wore it to the Aireys Inlet Open Mic Festival last year and felt great.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 27

Where I got it: Rhubarb, Torquay

How much I paid for it: $30

Frocky features: It’s long and fitted and olive green. What kind of underwear are you supposed to wear with these dresses?

Something else about it: My anonymous friend Kerrie talked me into buying this dress after work one day. I can’t remember what her selling points were, but I do remember she said them in a very convincing tone. I wore it to visit my Anonymous sister in Perth earlier this year. We caught the train to Fremantle and ordered the best lunch ever (and gave each other high fives afterwards).

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 26

Where I got it: At a Frocktober dress-sale, last week!

How much I paid for it: $10 (which was how much I took with me, minus $3 for a lemonade)

Frocky features: Where to start… it is made of navy corduroy, with hot pink spots that seem to be puff paint or glue or something. Also it has navy lace on the sleeves and hem. And hot pink buttons down the front that serve as both comedy and function. I think the picture might not show all these points, so if possible I think you should make the effort to see me in person.

Something else about it: I think this may be my most amusing frock so far this Frocktober. Thank you to those who talked me into owning it.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 25

Where I got it: Dangerfield in Melbourne, about 4 years ago.

How much I paid for it: About $50

Frocky features: It has ties at the shoulders. It’s about as girly as you can get.

Something else about it: This was the first dress I ever had as an adult. I wore it to Uni feeling very self-conscious and pretty, because dresses weren’t really in fashion. Even though it’s now slightly tighter, I don’t think I could throw it out.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 24

Where I got it: K-Mart, Belmont (Geelong)

How much I paid for it: $15

Frocky features: It has a confused-granny-zip-inside-out-zip, and is quite (quite) snug at the waist. It’s a dark olive green colour. It’s a shame when people tell you that pukey Kmart-green is ‘really your colour’.

Something else about it: One of those times you go into Kmart for one thing and then come out with a thousand things you never knew you needed…

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 23

Where I got it: Witchery, Melbourne CBD

How much I paid for it: About $60

Frocky features: This dress is in a tiny size, but is mostly strapped on with various ties ad zips, so I’m pretty sure that one size fits all. 'Friends' call this my tea-towl dress for obvious reasons.

Something else about it: I originally saw this dress in Witchery in Torquay, and then proceeded to think about it constantly until it would be mine. When I went back though, they were out-of-stock… But eventually I found it in Melbourne, and I was complete. Yes, I am dress-pathetic.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 22

Where I got it: Salvation Army, Torquay – a couple of years ago.

How much I paid for it: Maybe $4…ish.

Frocky features: Well, it’s like a t-shirt, but has a skirty bit added at the bottom… purely to make it Frocktober friendly I think.

Something else about it: This dress is perfect for moving one million boxes from one place to another. Say, in a truck from Torquay to Fitzroy. This picture was the one where I looked the least grumpy…

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 21

Where I got it: Salvation Army, Torquay (Yes, I know… they should give me some kind of membership… which would probably defeat the point of an op-shop.)

How much I paid for it: About $5

Frocky features: It seems too big for me, but the size tag says it fits me, and so I believe it.  Also it has massive pockets.

Something else about it: This is one of those dresses I am proud of finding. It’s brand it Katherine{Something} and it’s a brand I really like. I often wonder when I find expensive dresses at the op-shop. I imagine some rich lady buying them and then taking them straight there… driving a car made out of money.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 20

Where I got it: St Vincent De Paul in South Geelong – this year

How much I paid for it: $10

Frocky features: I gotta say this is a pretty ugly dress. When I bought it, I think I was too busy high-fiving myself for fitting into a bubble-skirt to notice. It has writing on it, as part of the pattern - which I think is my main issue.

Something else about it: Even though it’s ugly that’s not to say I’m not enjoying wearing it. I feel like a teen on my way to The Lyric (…used to be an underage disco in Geelong …? Don’t worry about it.)

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 19

Where I got it: Salvation Army, Torquay - this year.

How much I paid for it: $5

Frocky features: Stretchy, and apparently looks like a nighty.

Something else about it: I got two Metalicus dresses for $10 in the same day (this being one of them). This would run a close contest for the happiest day of my op-shopping life.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 18

Where I got it: Target, Geelong – a few years ago.

How much I paid for it: About $20

Frocky features: It’s made of a magical material that never creases. And a horrible colour, that for some reason looks quite nice on me. I’m not sure what this says about my skin tone.

Something else about it: I took this dress when I went to Spain a couple of years ago. I wore it on a pub-crawl with some travellers I met at my hostel. Unfortunately, I chose to share my hostel key with and Scottish girl, who turned out to be reasonably promiscuous… and then got locked out. Don’t worry Mum, I got back in eventually.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 17

Where I got it: A clothing swap in Torquay at Café Moby – last year.

How much I paid for it: Nothing

Frocky features: Frills (definitely not a common occurrence for me!).

Something else about it: My anonymous friend Rochelle and I ran a clothing swap at a local café last year to raise awareness living sustainably. We advertised it in the local paper thinking no-one would come, and then about 50 people rocked up! People swapped their clothes using a swap-system we designed ourselves. It amuses me that I love second hand clothes just as much as new ones. Sometimes more, because they come with an inbuilt story to wonder about.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 16

Where I got it: The Mill Markets in Geelong, this year.

How much I paid for it: $30

Frocky features: Well first off it’s see through, so you basically have to wear another outfit underneath in order to be able to go out in public. I love the autumn colours and waistline. It treads a fine line between cute and hippy which I wasn't sure I'd like, but when I tried it on I loved it. This was the first time I wore it, and the experience included friends pointing out holes, and the material ripping at various moments. 

Something else about it: The dress was made in California. And because I have weird sentimental feelings about that area (because my anonymous father is Californian) I cant help but imagine wearing on the sunny streets of Santa Monica. 

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 15

Where I got it: Oaks in Highton,  about 4 years ago.

How much I paid for it: About $100. But I had to save my pennies because I was a  student.

Frocky features: Its main features are that it’s bright red, and it has a nice shape.

Something else about it: This was the first nice dress I ever got, and it was a big deal for me to buy it because I didn’t have too much money. When my friends and I were in Port Fairy a couple of years ago, I saw it in a shop for $10, and forbid my anonymous friend Lisa from purchasing it. Because I'm just that kind of friend, you know?

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 14

Where I got it: A tiny shop in Madrid, about 2 years ago.

How much I paid for it: 50 Euro

Frocky features: Pockets! And a cute pattern of parrots. And it’s made of magic stretchy material that you put on like a t-shirt and it just stretches to your body shape/size.

Something else about it: Today I am going with a theme, and wearing it with my yellow Camper sandals (not pictured) that I also bought in Madrid. I wrapped those sandals so lovingly in a scarf and carried them around Spain as precious cargo in my backpack. I would have strapped them to my stomach in a skin coloured wallet if they’d fit. 

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 13

Where I got it: The Rip Curl seconds shop in Torquay, last year-ish

How much I paid for it: $20

Frocky features: Two functional buttons, and two non-functional. It is denim, and has pockets. Pockets somehow make a dress about a million times more fun.

Something else about it: This dress has a surfer/sailor look about it, which could be confusing for anyone searching for a theme. 

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 12

Where I got it: Witchery, Torquay, last year

How much I paid for it: About $60

Frocky features: Pockets. I like this dress, although it’s started fading a bit. Although maybe it’s ‘made to fade’ like those tracksuit pants that Rip Curl used to make and my anonymous sister had and I didn’t. I so wanted some of those…

Something else about it: This was one of those dresses that I justified to myself by saying words like ‘sensible’, ‘work’ and ‘practical’. And although it has indeed many of those qualities… mainly I just like it, ok?

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

How I.T. is Like Cathy Freeman.

In one of my last ‘posts’, I mentioned that I had my SIM card stolen out of my USB connector-thingy. O, the lack of Internet.

This event (for details see September entry ‘Stolen Optimism’) led to a series of visits to the phone-shop, which in turn led to feelings of resentment towards all I.T. People who use tricky sentences like ‘Are you on a plan or a contract?’

Because my answer is always a resounding “I’m not sure.”

The epic story of Kathryn & The Stolen SIM took an unexpected turn this week, with my most recent phone-shop visit. Because this time, I remembered to take the USB connector-thingy with me.

Me: Hi. My SIM card has been stolen.

15-Year-Old-Working-At-The-Phone-Place: Ok, do you have your USB connector-thingy? (She definitely didn’t say that.)

Me: Here it is.

**15-Year-Old-Working-At-The-Phone-Place opens up a mysterious compartment in the USB connector thingy, pulling out a SIM card, which is mine.**

15-Year-Old-Working-At-The-Phone-Place: Here it is.

Me: Ok, thanks……… **Kathryn shuffles nervously** ……..Bye!

Damn it, those tricky I.T. People win again.

Don’t get me wrong the 15-Year-Old-Working-At-The-Phone-Place was really nice. All of the above dialogue on her part was delivered with sincerity, looks of kindness and no laughing at all. All feelings of unpleasantness were undoubtedly coming from my end of the conversation.

Which somehow makes it much worse.

Because now I know that in a contest of Kathryn versus I.T. People, I am considered a truly inferior. If this was a running competition, then I.T. People would be Cathy Freeman, and I would be me.

Hey, I’m sure Cathy would be nice about it. She’d probably talk to me about my technique with kind looks that say ‘Hey Kathryn, we’re all just running out there. It’s possible you’ll beat me”. And I’d give her looks that say “Hey Cathy, I’m wearing shoes, and I even put them on the correct feet”.

I think the moral I’ll take from this story is that when I next have an I.T. problem, I will ask an I.T. Person. And I’ll pretend we both don’t notice my own stupidity. Because when I finally am able to use the internets on my own computer, I’ll be the real winner.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 11

Where I got it: In a shop in Santa Barbara, California – last year

How much I paid for it: About $50 US, which equates to some kind of amount of Aussie dollars. Or as those in the US like to think ‘magical play-money’.

Frocky features: It’s blue. With a confused-grandma zip (see Day 8). Sometimes when I walk with a satchel, it scrunches up without me knowing until I realize I’m showing the whole street my underwear!

Something else about it: I bought this dress while my oldest anonymous sister and I road-tripped through California last year. We were shopping after dinner in the freezing cold, and the streets were all lit up for the ‘Holiday Season’ and there were pumpkins everywhere. And people say ‘Happy Holidays’. Oh how I would love Christmas is Australia to be cold enough here to wear Christmas jumpers…

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 10

Where I got it: Jump on Pakington St in Geelong, a couple of years ago.
How much I paid for it: Maybe about $100
Frocky features: It’s really soft, and has a nice grey pattern that looks to me like Australian wild-flowers. I think maybe I should shorten the shoulder straps because sometimes they fall down. But knowing me I’d probably just reck it so I think it’s best if I just keep my hands off.
Something else about it: I bought his dress for a funeral, and think of that person every time I put it on. I’ve worn it for happy occasions and sad occasions and because of that it’s one of my most special dresses.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 9

Where I got it: Rivers, Torquay – a couple of years ago

How much I paid for it: $20

Frocky features: Long sleeves and short skirted with always-flattering horizontal stripes.

Something else about it: I have worn it so often that it’s pilling all over. Don’t tell any of the trendy Fitzroy-ians that I might see today… although they’re probably pilly too. Trendy pill.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 8

Where I got it: Tigerlily, in Noosa last year.

How much I paid for it: I am ashamed of this…

Frocky features: It’s pretty! And it has one of those exposed zips at the back that makes your Grandma wonder “Why do you have your dress on inside out, Kathryn?”.

Something else about it: After traveling around Australia for a month, I was feeling shopping deprived and so bought this dress in Noosa. Luckily, it’s pretty… though at that point I probably would have bought a paper bag if it was my size and had a nice print.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.

Frocktober Dress Diary – Day 7

Where I got it: Salvation Army Op Shop, Torquay

How much I paid for it: $5.50

Frocky features: It’s Metalicus, which is one of my favorite dress brands. And it’s comfy, which is one of my favourite feelings!

Something else about it: It’s weird knowing I’ve paid over $100 for a Matalicus dress, and that I liked it just the same amount… I may even like this one more, because it makes me feel op-shopping prowess-y.

Frocktober is awesome, and raises funds and awareness for ovarian cancer research! Help me reach my goal of $1000 at www.everydayhero.com.au/kathryn_kelly.