House-Dating.

Recently I decided to move from the No Smoke of Torquay to the Big Smoke of Melbourne. Friends directed me to a house-hunting website, which meant I could house-hunt while sitting on the couch and drinking coffee. Great. The site is basically the same as online-dating, except instead of dating you share intimate details about yourself, then meet up and decide whether you want to spend your immediate futures together.  

So basically it’s online-dating. Or more accurately, house-dating.

“I SAW YOUR PROFILE AND I THINK YOU LOOK NICE…”

Browse the website and register your interest with a person or persons you think you might like (because in house-dating it’s ok to date more that one person, so long as they all live together).  It’s important to remember that if you have two dogs, no job and a collection of stamps needing its own room, it’s unlikely everyone you approach will be interested. The beauty of online house-dating is that you are actually quite likely to find someone with two kennels, lots of money and a thing for old-school postage.

"YOU SEEM INTERESTING, TELL ME MORE..."

The approachee’s method of responding will give you some indication of your future compatibility. A phone call suggests maturity. A text message suggests someone more casual. A text message that reads ‘sori phone died on me yesterday.yas can com ova whenev’ suggests someone with whom you don’t want to share a bathroom.

“HOW ABOUT WE CATCH UP SOMETIME…?”

Remember that, like boys and snakes, potential housemates are generally more scared of you than you are of them. Use the initial catch-up to make important comparisons with their aforementioned advert. For example, you should verify ‘happy’ versus ‘crazy’, ‘eclectic taste’ versus ‘lots of stamps’, and ‘large-room’ versus ‘wide-lens’. (Note that housemates with wide lenses are ok, and are more common in suburbs like Fitzroy or Collingwood.)

“I HAD FUN THE OTHER NIGHT…”

Decide whether you’re really that into them. Vice versa, they’ll decide whether you’re the Brett to their Germaine. Remember that even though yesterday you were happily discussing what kind of milk you both prefer, there’s always a chance they’ll respond with a ‘it was a really tough decision, but we’ve decided to go with someone else’.

And you know what, that’s fine. Because at least you know that Stamp Guy is no longer on the market.